Forgiveness

On a cold night in November 2004 six teenagers in New York bought a 20 pound turkey with a stolen credit card. While driving on the Sunrise Highway, 18 year-old Ryan Cushing threw the frozen bird out the back window just for a thrill. The turkey hit Victoria Ruvolo’s car, shattering the windshield and smashed into her face. She was taken to the hospital with life-threatening injuries. She awoke several weeks later with no knowledge of what had happened.

She wrote, "When I looked in the mirror, I could see it was me but my whole face was smashed in and every single bone in my face was broken. I had no idea I’d had ten hours of surgery and I was shocked when the doctors told me that from now on, for the rest of my life, I would always have three titanium plates in my left cheek, one in my right cheek, and I’d also have a wire mesh holding my left eye in place because my left eye socket was so badly shattered.

Once I got off the medication, I remember lying in the bedroom at my sister’s house and just crying myself to sleep and asking: Why me God? What did I ever do so wrong and so terrible in my life that I deserved all this to happen to me? And I’d cry myself to sleep. But then, gradually, it began to dawn on me that perhaps God had allowed me to live through this ordeal because I was in such great physical condition. The idea that it had happened for a reason – and that I had saved someone else who might not have been able to survive [had it hit them]– helped me get through rehabilitation.

Then the District Attorney informed me that the other teenagers who had been with Ryan had entered a plea bargain to testify against him. This, coupled with overwhelming evidence, was enough to put Ryan in jail for 25 years. It was at this point that I started asking questions about Ryan. I wanted to know what type of kid would do this? Had he always been a bully? Was he always hurting other people? What could possibly have built up inside him so bad that he had to throw something so hard? Because I’d experienced the death of two brothers when I was much younger, I felt strongly that I didn’t want be responsible for taking this young person’s life. I didn’t want Ryan to rot in jail.

That’s when I asked to meet with Ryan’s lawyer to be able to tell him that I wanted an amnesty for Ryan or at least a lesser sentence.

On the day we went to court, I saw this young man walk in wearing a suit which looked like it was three times too big for him; it made him seem so frail. He walked in with his head hung down and looked so upset with himself. When I saw him there, my heart went out to him. To me he looked like a lost soul.

Once the case was over and it was time for him to walk out, he started veering over towards where I was sitting and every court officer was ready to jump on him. They had no idea why he was coming towards me but as he walked over to where I was sitting and stood in front of me, I saw that all he was doing was crying, crying profusely. He looked at me and said, ‘I never meant this to happen to you, I prayed for you every day. I’m so glad you’re doing well.’ Then this motherly instinct just came over me and all I could do was take him and cuddle him like a child and tell him ‘just do something good with your life, take this experience and do something good with your life.’

Because I asked for amnesty for Ryan, he received a six-month prison sentence with five years probation of community service and psychiatric help. Some people couldn’t understand why I’d done this but I felt God had given me a second chance and I wanted to pass it on."

The Savior taught us the doctrine of forgiveness:

“Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.  “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:9–10).

This is hard doctrine.  How could it be that NOT forgiving someone who has hurt you so deeply could possibly be a greater sin than the original injury or injustice?  Is that not a great paradox?

Is it not extremely ironic that we will pray for mercy for ourselves, and justice against others, while others are praying for mercy for themselves, and justice against us?  God's specialty is mercy.  Shakespeare wrote that “earthly power doth then show likest God’s / When mercy seasons justice.” In His great plan, mercy seasons justice.  The Savior's specialty is mercy.  Mercy, not justice, is the ennobling attribute of the Savior that grants entry into the Kingdom of God. We all require mercy.  President Uchtdorf said that "heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.”

Paul wrote, "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."  How can we boldly approach the altar of God seeking mercy, if we are stewing on those wrongs our brother has against us? Jesus said, "If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift."

Elder Marion D. Hanks said that it is not only our eternal salvation that depends upon our willingness and capacity to forgive wrongs committed against us.  Our joy and satisfaction in this life, and our true freedom, depend upon our doing so.  When Christ asked us to turn the other cheek, walk the second mile, give our cloak to him who takes our coat, was that request chiefly out of consideration for the bully, the brute, the thief?  Or was it to relieve the one aggrieved, of the destructive burden that resentment and anger lay upon us?”

The feelings that arise from injury (spiritual, emotional, physical) affect our own spirituality.  President Brigham Young once compared being offended to a poisonous snakebite. He said that “there are two courses of action to follow when one is bitten by a rattlesnake. One may, in anger, fear, or vengefulness, pursue the creature and kill it. Or he may make full haste to get the venom out of his system.” He said, “If we pursue the latter course we will likely survive, but if we attempt to follow the former, we may not be around long enough to finish it.”

Elder Scott said, "You cannot erase what has been done, but you can forgive. Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds, for it allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate.  It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge.  It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord."

Shakespeare wrote that mercy is “twice blest; / It bless[es] him that gives and him that takes.”  We need that blessing that comes from forgiveness.

"Forgiveness means that problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the future with God’s love in our hearts."

Forgiveness is a personal attribute, not just a decision we make from time to time when we feel we should.  To have a forgiving heart is to see the world in a different light.  It is to forsake the tendency to judge, condemn, exclude, or hate any human soul.  A forgiving heart seeks to love and to be patient with imperfection.  The forgiving heart understands that we are all in need of the atonement of Jesus Christ.  A forgiving heart is one of the most Christlike virtues we can possess.  If we have a forgiving heart, our very nature will be kind, patient, long-suffering, and charitable.  Forgiveness plants and nourishes the seeds of Christlike love in both the giver and the receiver.  Indeed, forgiveness, in its fullest expression, is synonymous with charity, the pure love of Christ. — Roderick J. Linton, Ensign, April 1993, p. 15

To me, this is the answer to the paradox: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis Smedes

President Uchtdorf said, "When the Lord requires that we forgive all men, that includes forgiving the one, who, of all the people in the world, may be the hardest to forgive, and who is perhaps most in need of our forgiveness, the person looking back at us in the mirror."  When we have repented of our sins, we must forgive ourselves.  C. S. Lewis said, "If we fail to forgive ourselves when God has done so, we make ourselves a higher judge than Him."

It is the Atonement of Christ that numbs and replaces bitterness of soul with joy in the one who has been injured, and replaces guilt and anguish of soul with joy in the one who has sinned.  Thus both are healed, both find peace. But only through the Savior.

And it is we, through the Savior, who need the mercy for our sins.  We can boldly come to that throne of grace, and be assured of his great mercy.  President Packer assured us that "save for the exception of the very few who defect to perdition, there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ."

The following story illustrates the love and the forgiveness the Lord has for us:

"Prison warden Kenyon Scudder related this experience: A friend of his happened to be sitting in a railroad coach next to a young man who was obviously depressed. Finally the man revealed that he was a paroled convict returning from a distant prison. His imprisonment had brought shame to his family, and they had neither visited him nor written often. He hoped, however, that this was only because they were too poor to travel and too uneducated to write. He hoped, despite the evidence, that they had forgiven him.

To make it easy for them, however, he had written them to put up a signal for him when the train passed their little farm on the outskirts of town. If his family had forgiven him, they were to put a white ribbon in the big apple tree which stood near the tracks. If they didn’t want him to return, they were to do nothing, and he would remain on the train as it traveled west.

As the train neared his home town, the suspense became so great he couldn’t bear to look out of his window. He exclaimed, 'In just five minutes the engineer will sound the whistle, indicating our approach to the long bend which opens into the valley I know as home. Will you watch for the apple tree at the side of the track?' His companion changed places with him and said he would. The minutes seemed like hours, but then there came the shrill sound of the train whistle. The young man asked, 'Can you see the tree? Is there a white ribbon?'

Came the reply: 'I see the tree. I see not one white ribbon, but many. There must be a white ribbon on every branch. Son, someone surely does love you.'

In that instant he stood cleansed by Christ.  His friend said, 'I felt as if I had witnessed a miracle.'"

That miracle is readily available for us today.  The Lord is ready to receive us, ready to run out to us as the father of the prodigal son.  We, as the body of the Church of Christ, must be ready to receive others, to tie those ribbons on the branches of the tree, ready to accept others and love them as Christ loves them.